Gatefold

by James Henderson

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1.
Ain't going to the city again I don't like the fickle lights Of Nashville & New Orleans I won't pause for the empty promises of New York & LA & I don't care for the nasty stares From Portland Oregon to Portland Maine I ain't going to the city again Ain't gonna fill up my glass It's gonna take all of my strength To rip this monkey off my back But I won't wake with the shakes Or vomiting black & it's no nights of alley lights Looking for glitter & skag I left them days far off in the past Maybe it's my age or how the times have changed But I'm rooting out everything that used to give me pain Now I'm all alone & I don't mind it at all Cause there'll be no one else to blame when I fall Won't give you my heart anymore Toe to toe & blow for blow Until we've evened the score I know I had to let you go When you looked me in the eye & asked why I didn't love you & I gave no reply Just turned my back & that was my goodbye
2.
Staging Away 02:36
Well I'm staging away For the whole shift today While others go & dig that fireline I'm staging away & I'm still getting paid Waiting for my time to shine I hear the hotshot pulaski a ringin' As smoke jumpers fall from the sky But there's no line to dig As I'm sittin' in the rig Askin' my crew boss "why?" I'm staging away For the whole shift today Waiting for my time to shine It's been a long season my darlin' But dispatch keeps callin' me Now when I get home You've upped and gone Now sorrow is my company So I'm staging away With my heartbreak Waitin for my time to shine
3.
I had a dream the trains stopped running So I had to quit running from myself & no one picked me up when I was thumbing & every liquor store in town had empty shelves I went down to the corner To find my man so I could cop But the only thing that found me was an old lady Who said my connection had been popped Now all I do is sit here Trapped in the confines of my mind & I hope that I will wake soon This nightmare has to end sometime I went to see my old lady Who once spoke tenderly of love When I got to her house her husband was holding a baby & he said she with the angels above I went down to the cemetery With my knife and my old gun But my knife it had a blunt edge & all my ammo was gone Now all I do is sit here Trapped in the confines of my mind & I hope that I will wake soon This nightmare has to end sometime I screamed at the preacher Said "What of my crimes has brought me to this hell!?" But the preacher just turned me over to the policeman Now I'm rotting here in this jail cell I saw old death a commin' Said "Take me with you" as I stared into his eyes But the only thing that stared back were empty sockets As that bag of bones done passed me by Now all I do is sit here Trapped in the confines of my mind & I hope that I will wake soon This nightmare has to end sometime I had a dream the trains stopped running So I had to quit running from myself & no one picked me up when I was thumbing & every liquor store in town had empty shelves
4.
I wake in the morning & wish I was still asleep For with my eyes closed, there's no misery No boarders are being closed No families are being deposed & as I get up to start my day As I look around I remember All the pain I walk through the town looking for a friend But the people all round are lost in their hands Passing by like ghosts Sharing their own shadows They pass me by as I move along So connected and still So Alone Searching for meaning late into the night Or a possible purpose to make things alright There's no revelations now I got to keep going somehow I get under the covers & try to sleep But with my eyes closed I believe
5.
Gatefold 04:16
Is it my conditioning that I keep consuming more Scour the record store like a fiend from artists A-Z & checking the pressings for original release Buy new & used titles & trade Cassettes & Vinyl for free Cause ribbon & grooves are the art of impermanency & I am an addict for rectangles of plastic I'll give you my last cent cause it's my replacement For being wasted screaming on the kitchen floor & I am addicted to limited addition Color vinyl reissues with gate folded inserts With my money gone I can't get spun anymore Thinking back on all the tracks On every mix I wasted on you As you use Discographies & histories to try & get into his jeans But every measure of your lecture came straight from me The tracking force isn't the source of why you're on repeat & grinding me down just like an old slip sheet & I am an addict for rectangles of plastic I'll give you my last cent cause it's my replacement For being wasted screaming on the kitchen floor & I am addicted to limited addition Color vinyl reissues with gate folded inserts With my money gone I can't get spun anymore & I'm not sure if this obsessive collection Is a good investment as my will & testament Or a waste of time Like crashing stock as closing bell chimes A witching hour trade as their cutting the lathe
6.
Delusions 03:31
Blood stain on the side of the road Pull over & take a photo Truth uncovered as you hover Like a social vulture Hungry to feel something that's real Pecking at the ribcage for your next meal How I wish you could feel a pain That is genuine instead of shadowing everyone Up in your head Silent & dead Echoing the lies that you self fed Regurgitating oscillating Reality forsaken Spinning alone Nobody knows How high your delusions have grown How I wish you could feel a pain That is genuine instead of shadowing everyone Some day you find It's not what you had in mind No a spotlight glamor show Just a darkness you've never known Some day you will see Life's a tragic comedy Where we all play supporting roles Until the moment we go
7.
Bittersweet 03:23
I say I don't care if this goes anywhere & that I'm happy sitting talking to you Putting songs on a tape just to save face So my heart won't get beat black & blue I keep on writing letters but I'm too scared to send em Transpose into a novel someday But my library voice isn't quiet by choice It just don't have much to say I keep expecting a no Or is it implied when you sigh Then why do you keep coming by "to say hi" Bittersweet when you go A taste I have acquired & won't tire of Someday you might say That I don't have to say goodbye Looking through the lens trying to pretend That there's nothing behind the eyes Like when you take an avid reader to a drive in double feature Is it adoration or jealous spite Up to interpretation hope it's not hallucination That there's truth behind the smile & if it's false then I'm at a loss to be so easily guiled We keep talking so I think it's alright not contrite Keep talking till morning birds take flight in the light Even when I'm alone I feel you on my mind Like a crime That I will confess and do time
8.
War Wounds 02:34
I always dreaded that We'd get married & Resent each other Just like father did & we'd pit the kids Against each other Like a war to be won With battle lines being drawn After the cease fire was ordered We both tried to stay sober But it was camouflage Self sabotage Collateral damage from a full blown barrage That we invested hand over fist until the last cent was gone & accounts overdrawn After we called it quits You won the arms race To find love next While I'm dismantling my arsenal With calls for armistice Now every morning I wake & I don't contemplate the choices we made For wounds from the war have scared & Started to fade
9.
Well all my clothes are dirty & the soles of my boots have worn down & working hard seems To be not working out & as I watch the home I was building Burn to the ground Ashes & memories Are all that are found The days are getting shorter As clouds gather for the storm & the nights get colder & I'm trying to hard to stay warm & as I shake all over Rocking myself to sleep I pray that I will find peace Somewhere in my dreams Don't give me no bottle cause I won't drink a drop & I don't need a needle cause my veins have closed shop & rather feel pain than be numb one more day At least I'll feel alive With tears in my eyes

credits

released April 20, 2019

James Henderson - Guitars and vocals
Matthew Hemmerich - Drums: Delusions & Bittersweet
Tatiana Ray - Backing Vocals: Tears in My Eyes

Recorded, Mixed & Mastered by Tim Ray
Album Art & Layout by @traymedia
All songs written and performed by James Henderson

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James Henderson Oakland, California

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